I’m tired and I can’t sleep
My mind feels numb and weak
I woke about two hours ago,
And felt I was wide awake
But now the silence screams at me
Like a feeling I can’t shake.
I hear the fan turn off,
But never hear it start
And when it dies
It’s always a surprise
That seems to squeeze my heart
The air is flat and still
Like placid water on a lake
It’s quiet, and I’m exhausted
Yet here I lie awake.
Frustration builds and makes me cry
I hate this awful state
I feel like I’m inside a coma
My mind all that’s awake.
My body’s still
And I don’t move
Except to make these words
And though they help me
Somehow still,
the feeling just grows worse
All around me it is black
No depth, no shapes, no lines
Save a hundred tiny rows
The dusty window blinds
And next to me there lies a queen
Her breath and skin so sweet
Our bodies clash throughout the night
Exchanging only heat
Thunder in the distance roars
The storm has long since passed
I slept through that, but then I woke
To a still and silent blast
Three hours now,
My breaths coming back
But I’ve wasted so much night
I know you’ll think I’m crazy,
But I’d rather waste the light.
I think my brain will let me sleep,
I’ve beat it with this poem,
I swear I cannot fucking wait
To leave my mind alone.
A Poet’s Qualm 